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How do gay culture and society at large feel about the boys, teens and men who pine for older lovers?

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Some studies suggest that gay and straight men have similar age preferences when it comes to partners. With one important distinction: More masculine gay guys seem to prefer younger men, and those who identify as more femme desire older partners.

Gay dating | Young people on age difference in gay relationships

A more recent study by Facebook, however, found that partners in both gay and lesbian couples tend to have much higher age gaps than their heterosexual counterparts. Different motivations propel younger gay men into these relationships as well. Isolated from peers and family who may not understand their sexuality, gay teens sometimes gravitate toward older men who have traveled the road before them and who could end up exploiting the vulnerability of their situation. Not only do you face stereotypes about why you should have been able to fight it off, or how you probably loved it, but you also have to deal with how your own trauma connects to noxious gay-specific myths, like the one about a gay pro-pedophile organization called NAMBLA or North American Man Boy Love Association infiltrating everything from Disney programming to Antifa.

What Younger Gay Men Really Think About Older Guys (And Vice Versa)

But the myth of gay men as predators persists. Case in point: In certain parts of the world, May-December romances among gay men are treated differently than straight ones by the courts. While the legal age of consent ranges from 16 to 18 across the U. In Chile, for example, the age of consent is 14 for heterosexuals and 18 for gays. And it took until the turn of the century for the U. The porn industry, meanwhile, has made the age differences of their stars a central taboo. Dan Savage, the iconic gay sex columnist, has taken a practical view: He also takes a keen interest in my work as a reporter for the Washington Blade and the front-row seat to LGBT history that my colleagues and I continue to enjoy.

And my parents routinely ask about him when we speak and send them their love. Our friends, family and other loved ones who knew us as single for way too long agree.

The sadness of living without sex - BBC News

The same argument should certainly apply to Tom Daley and his rumored boyfriend. Those who concern themselves with the age difference of two adults who have made the decision to share their lives with each other almost certainly need to spend more time worrying about themselves and assessing their own issues, insecurities, fill in the blank. It is the very simple mantra of mind your own business as those of us from New Hampshire know all too well.

Michael K.


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Lavers is a news reporter for the Washington Blade. Reach him at mlavers washblade. Lavers is the international news editor of the Washington Blade. Follow Michael.


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  • In the LGBT community, we love to talk about diversity, indivdual autonomy, and the freedom to love whom we love, but all too often, we treat one another in ways that are the opposite of what we claim to believe. Older-Younger relationships in male-male culture are as ancient and revered as time itself.

    To disparage these is to demonstrate a complete ignorance of our history and heritage. Additionally, the disparaging of anyone's loving relationship is an intentionally bigoted act. Yeah the only things they don't show are the lack of sex drive. Younger men appealing to the younger partner.

    The prospect of taking care of a guy with the onset of chronic health problems towards the end of life. I am so sick of the way people romanticize the age difference. Being with someone of an advanced age is problematic. Also I've been one of the younger men who appealed to someone with an older partner.

    Many are people with daddy complexes that they carried right into a relationship. There is a reason you see young twinks with men in their 30s to 40s. And many are due to having issues they never settled with their fathers. After they end up devoting years to their daddy issues to the point of finally being independent they are stuck with an aging old man and are unhappy! You make a lot of assumptions in your comments. Man I guess you do not live in my world. I am 12 years younger than my husband.

    We have been together 20 years. I am 48 and he is Neither does his father and step mother. His father is 18 years older than his step mom. He is 89 and she is They have been together 38 years.

    I KNOW that they still had an active sex life 5 years ago…. I am happy to say I know several other happy couples but I have made my point. I wanted to point out that it is not just a gay phenomenon. Because he's young and thin and cute. YAWN there are better more interesting things to talk about.

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    And as far as this article, I think it would have been better if there was actual research involved instead of a just a personal story. I'm willing to bet that most May December relationships don't last. Of course there are exceptions to everything, but I wonder what the actual statistics are for things like this? Yes, so what! I'm happily partnered to my best friend of 17 years and we have a 21 year difference. It is not for everyone and yes, if it is not your thing, please don't get involved in one.

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    But, please do not judge others. Yes, there are health issues with both of us , but the same will happen in any long term relationship regardless of age differences or not. If you love someone, you should always be very aware and accepting that you may have to care of them or their health will change or they may have to take care of you when your health is not its best. We will all get old, we will all get sick and GASP!

    The keys to any long lasting relationship is maturity mental maturity , the ability to adapt to the changes in the relationship as time goes on, a willingness to work together as partners notice I do not use spouses, BF's, etc. This is what works for my partner and I and yes, we will marry this year since it is finally legal for us to do so in our state.

    Because it's much better to be forced to deal with your partner's "end of life" issues when you are simultaneously dealing with your own. The same principle dictates that having twins must be easier than having just one baby.

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    My husband and I celebrate 7 years next month. He's 13 years older than me. And after what the world has thrown at us in that time with us still together, hard to think of what could push us apart. Boo hoo. Corkryn Williams I am saying stop romanticizing age differences for more than what they are.

    Having had someone quite a bit older than me asking, "Could you handle being with someone as old as I am? Ask any person quite a bit younger who has ever had to take care of someone older than them whether parents or grandparents.